December 1, 2008

WOLRD AIDZ DEHY

planettampon:

The fact that they’re still harping on about this shit makes me SO BORED WITH THE JEWNIVERSE. EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT AIDS BY NOW. BUT, should you be worried that you might one day get the bug, follow my simple rules and you need not worry ever again:

  • Watch yr step - if you’re in like a crack den, or junkie paradise, look before you walk. If you’re not in any of these places, still look. HOW HARD IS IT TO DODGE A NEEDLE? Speaking of, DON’T share needles. If you want to feel the golden brown, do it alone.
  • Wear a goddamn shower cap when you go swimming. If you really feel like feeling butt muscle on cock, TOO BAD. SHEATH IT UP, FAG. This goes for girls and men and what they do, shudder. Unless they is making a babby. But then there is a chance they could have an AIDS baby, thus MY suggestion works. Don’t have babies.
  • Don’t swallow. Don’t swallow unless they swallow yours first. Or don’t swallow at all.
  • Don’t use public anything.
  • Wash your hands three thousand times per second.
  • FACT: you can get the AIDS from eating Dominos pizza. Srs.
  • Just kidding, though everyone should know Dominos pizza is the food equivalent of AIDS.
  • If you get books from the library, wear gloves when turning the page. Especially if it’s erotica. Do you want to know how many dicks and fannies touch them pages? Billions.
  • Don’t reuse tampons. Don’t reuse your friend’s tampons. Don’t bleed from there at all.
  • Don’t have sex with a dog that was once owned by a dead AIDS fag. Chances are HE had sex with that border collie. And that’s wrong. Dead wrong.
  • Don’t ever watch anything starring Tom Hanks, Diane Keaton (post-Annie Hall), Queen Latifah or Adam Sandler. They got them AIDS and they will send them to you via tv signals and shit. The radiowaves, y’know.
  • If you think you might have AIDS, get a blood test but not before you kill yourself. If you have AIDS there is no point in living.
  • Don’t attend any World AIDS Day events, that’s just common sense? You would inhale the bug, there would be that many infected there.
  • And finally, hover as you drop the kids off at the pool. Don’t even worry about putting TP down, bugs can jump.

I have not got a single AIDS because I live by these rules. If you want to live forever like me, now is the time to start listening to your AIDS-free god. You can thank me later.

Blair, you fail to mention that if you contract the AIDs virus, lots and lots of heterosexual sex will cure it.